I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
my god I love twenty year old dicks
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
