Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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