all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
