I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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