YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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