Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
