did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
