but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
