Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
