Just cropdusted the office
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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