Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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