Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
