So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
