yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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