WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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