I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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