I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
