I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
