It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
