Heybabeimwearingurpanties
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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