He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
