YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Life is so much better after having sex.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Blood and glitter go together right?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
