I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
