we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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