She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
