I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
