6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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