non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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