This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
