I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
