i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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