I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
