Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
