I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
