You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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