If i come over, it means nothing
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Randomize
