Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
