your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
