Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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