don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
