Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
