Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
