So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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