Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
