Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
