Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
