the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
