69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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