The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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