I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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