you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
